Bring On the Guards!

On Friday there was a security guard placed up on the tenth floor to bar access to the roof.  Given the unseasonably mild weather, Tilley believed that a rogue resident or two might try to sneak up there and have a barbecue.  Since we seem dead set on becoming a serious police state here, we have a few suggestions for other spots around the hotel that could use a security guard or two:

-The laundry room, in case residents try to do an unauthorized load of knickers when no one is looking

-The balconies on the front of the building: these represent a serious spittle and water balloon hazard for David Elder.  In addition, snipers could be placed on the roof of the building across the street in case anyone tried to post anymore BRING BACK THE BARDS banners
- The secret passageway to 22nd Street, so Tilley can't use it to sneak out early 
- Sid’s room, just on general principal 
- the trash bins: no dirty diapers or cat litter permitted! 
- the shared bathrooms: no more junkies lately, but someone still keeps stealing the toilet paper!  
 - Stanley ’s office: you never can tell when he’ll show up unexpectedly and try to manage the hotel  

             - Bob Dylan’s room: an obscure folk singer might show up there seeking inspiration.  Or else some psychotic lunatic might try to destroy it with sledgehammers  
             - the airshafts, to listen for unauthorized shower-singing and audible lovemaking.  We’ll have no more of that in the New Bohemia!

Never mind that many of these sites are currently monitored by cameras.  Much mischief could occur before the guards can ride the elevators upstairs.  Luckily, the hotel has, by some reports, sunk into the single digits in occupancy lately, so that gives us some time to get these security guards in place before the inevitable upsurge to the potentially unmanageable 20% mark! -- Ed Hamilton