PR Triumphs Over Reality at DeNiro's Greenwich Hotel

"Hey, why is the wood floor squeaking in this room I'm paying $1500.00 a night for?"  "You dumbass, we designed it like that so it would seem old!"  Thus does mind triumph over matter at DeNiro's new Greenwich Hotel, and developers everywhere are paying attention.  Take note that BD Hotels is DeNiro's partner in this venture.  "Why is the hinge on this cabinet in my million dollar condo broken?"  "It's supposed to remind you of an old railroad flat from the 50s." "Why is the bathroom tile cracked and yellowed?"  "It's like one of those very cool ticky-tack houses in a cool town, like Woody Guthrie sang about."  "How come the walls are so thin that I can hear my neighbors talking?" "It's like living in a shantytown in Tompkins Square Park in the 80's.  Doesn't it make you nostalgic?"
     Sorry, but I don't want the floor buckling underfoot when I get up to take a piss in the middle of the night.  Did you artifically splinter some of the boards as well?  Are these  nails sticking up for that little extra touch of realism?  Shoddy materials are a bitch, but no reason we can't put a good face on things. -- Ed Hamilton