Betina's Magical Elixir

Longtime Chelsea Hotel resident Betina has a recommendation for us all: Papaya Enzyme.  If you’re in a lot a pain this is a good natural alternative to Tylenol or other medicine that may dull the senses or harm the internal organs.  Pineapple Enzyme also works well if you want to mix it up.

            So what we propose is that everyone in the hotel take Papaya Enzyme on a trial basis for a month and let us know how it works and then we’ll send in the results to the New England Journal of Medicine.  (Or hell, take pineapple, if you insist on being a contrarian.)  No physical pain, you say?  Well, perhaps it also works for mental pain.  Everybody has some kind of problem, so take it anyway.  Robert Lambert will serve as the control subject, consuming two Hostess Cupcakes per day.  (Chocolate, since you ask.)

            Betina also requests that you not sue her if the Papaya Enzyme doesn’t work.  It goes without saying that sometimes you are going to need something a bit stronger, so if your doctor has prescribed morphine for your terminal condition, don’t chuck it in the garbage just yet.  And don’t sue us either.