Morrissey Misses The Chelsea, Kinda Sorta

Poor Morrissey! It’s so mind-numbingly boring in Texas. He can’t wait to get back to the Chelsea. Yeah, we feel for you Morrissey. But wait, do my eyes deceive me!? He seems to be saying that the Chelsea is insignificant!
     What, Morrissey, you’re such a big, fat, scary celebrity that even huge, ten story buildings pale into insignificance next to the grandiose brilliance of your bloated form? Even the fabled Chelsea!?
    Hey Morrissey, you can kiss our collective ass. Kiss the ass of the Chelsea, Morrissey. What is the ass of the Chelsea anyway? Must be located somewhere in the basement. Hey, maybe it’s Serena’s! I’d like to nominate Serena’s for the title of Ass of the Chelsea. (Although, now that I think of it, there’s probably a lot of competition for that title!)
     Don’t worry Morrissey, I’m just kidding. We all love you here. Since your letter is dated January 16, 1981, I feel confident you have repented of your sin of false pride by this time. You can come back to the Chelsea and play a concert for us anytime. I’ll see if there are any dates open at Serena’s. -- Ed Hamilton (Many thanks to Artie Nash for sending over the copy of Morrissey's letter.)