Art Vandals Must Die

We’ve always suspected that tourists considered Hiroya’s mural a kind of message board or guest book for them to sign.  Now we have proof!  Here’s a picture of three brazen scofflaws cheerfully flaunting their disregard for fine art.  What I can’t believe is that they were foolhardy enough to take a picture of themselves actually defacing the canvas!  Without a doubt our illustrious proprietor Stanley Bard has his crack team of bohemian profilers hard at work on the case at this very moment, and these despicable vandals will soon be arrested and brought to justice.  (George Bush recently legalized torture, and I’m sure we must have a rack or a thumbscrew or even an iron maiden socked away somewhere in the recesses of the basement.) Hey, art-terrorists, anybody can go to the painting and find your names, you know!  Worse, when Hiroya died we dumped his ashes down the stairwell, and doubtless you breathed in a few stray molecules while you were perpetrating you heinous crime, so prepare to be haunted by a raving Butoh performer for the rest of your miserable lives.  Go try this at the Louvre, you rotten punk philistines!