Novelist Larry Brown would have celebrated his 54th birthday today. In honor of his birthday, I'm going to share some advice I received from Brown nearly 14 years ago. First, some background.
After money had been stolen from my apartment, the building manager instructed me to file a report with the police. The money had been stolen from inside of a copy of Brown's book, BIG BAD LOVE, which is where I had placed it for safekeeping. When the cops arrived to investigate the complaint, their first question was "Is this pornography?" Anyone who has read the book will know that the collection of stories feature male protagonists of the beer-drinking, pick-up driving persuasion. Just the way I like'em I might add.
I shared with Brown the cop's impression of his book. In return, I received this advice from Brown.
Halloween, 1991
I'm much distressed and chagrinned to find out that BIG BAD LOVE attracted pilfering worker-thieves and enticed them to violate your bookshelf. Those big bad boys need a big bad spanking. I'm further distressed to discover that the D.C. police department thought it might be pornographic. You shoulda told'im you had DIRTY WORK too. I guess maybe the landlady might be right. (she suggested that I hide my money in the Bible) Next time tape it under your microwave. They'll never think to look there.
all best, signed Larry Brown
Brown's stories were later made into a movie starring Debra Winger. The cops never found my missing money. About a month later I got a call from the video rental store saying that I had several tapes overdue. The thief had been using my video card to rent porno movies. The cops were on the right track after all.
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