Living with Legends: Hotel Chelsea Blog

Capitol Fishing Tackle Owner Supports the Bards

I own Capitol Fishing Tackle Co. I went to work at the store in 1973 and bought it in 1974.The Bards treated me fairly. The space wasn't cheap, but I made a living and it was fun.Stanley and his family are wonderful people. We were all in tears when we found out that Capitol Fishing could no longer remain at the Hotel Chelsea. I moved the store for two reasons. I couldn't think about closing a business that was 109 years old at that time, and, more importantly, our son wouldn't let me. Fishing is his passion and he loves working in the store that will some day be his. Our famous sign is at 132 W 36th St. We have a great landlord and a very long lease. I didn't let Marlene Krauss and David Elders win. Believe it or not, Marlene Krauss's father was a gentleman. If he was alive today, he wouldn't be proud of his daughter.   -- Richard Collins

Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead: The “Invincible” Marlene Krauss Goes Down in Flames

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. God has interceded in the affairs of mankind, and the prayers of all sentient beings have been answered. Chelsea Hotel minority shareholder Marlene Krauss, MD, MBA, has been forced to liquidate her company, KBL Healthcare, Acquisition Corp III due to her inability to complete an acquisition. In other words, even with all of the millions her investors threw at her, Marlene couldn’t find a satisfactory company to buy. Word of her troubles began to leak out earlier this week with a press release indicating that Krauss was being forced to buy out 30% of KBL’s shareholders to prevent them from voting against her proposed merger with a company called PRWT. Krauss began to look even more desperate when a second press release went out announcing the cancellation of the upcoming KBL stockholders meeting. Obviously Marlene was scrambling to find the funds necessary to buy out the shareholders--and just as obviously she failed to do so! Expect lots of lawsuits to follow as stockholders ask: Where’s my money, Marlene?

What this shows is that KBL’s shareholders finally caught on to wannabe Master of the Universe Marlene’s shady tactics. Her business model is to take over companies in order to loot their assets--which is exactly what she’s trying to do with the Chelsea. Perhaps now the rest of the Chelsea Hotel shareholders will get wise like the KBL shareholders did and send her packing.

Many of of you have noticed that we haven’t been blogging lately, (www.twitter.com/hotelchelsea) but we couldn’t resist coming out of retirement briefly to report this news. Burn Witch Burn in everlasting torment. Bring Back the Bards. And add another chapter to the book.

Chelsea Hotel Minority Shareholder Marlene Krauss, M.D., MBA, to Audition for New Prime Time NBC Show featuring Bernie Madoff Victims

Although Chelsesas Hotel minority shareholder Marlene Krauss is a high-powered businesswoman who routinely crushes ordinary mortals beneath her 6-inch Manolo Blahniks and makes grown men weep and grovel before her on their knees, we know that her one big regret in life is that she missed the cut for Charlie’s Angels back in the seventies.

    But don’t start feeling sorry for her yet.  NBC is now casting for a new prime time show staring victims of Bernie Madoff’s ponzi scheme!  It’s Marlene’s big chance.  With her timeless beauty, her winning personality, and her questionable financial sense, she’s a shoe-in.

    Best of all, she doesn’t have to do anything to be considered.  Anyone can nominate a candidate for the show, and we intend to do so immediately.  Others can nominate Marlene as well, perhaps strengthening her chances, by writing to TonyCastEast@gmail.com.  Do your part for the Chelsea, Bohemians.  Help make Marlene a star.-- Ed Hamilton

The Life of Marlene Krauss Will Thrill and Astound You

Meet Marlene Krauss, whose voice “sounded like it had been fed a steady diet of cigarettes and broken glass”.  Marlene Krauss has had a very exciting life.  So exciting in fact that Alisa Sheckley has written a novel recounting her youthful exploits.  (This is not to be confused with Scott Griffin’s forthcoming MARLENE KRAUSS: A LIFE, which will probably just revolt and disgust you.) We are keeping our fingers crossed hoping this novel becomes a huge bestseller.  The following is an excerpt from the novel, MOONBURN:

Manhattan  

is not the center of the universe. It only feels that way. But outside of the immense gravitational pull of that small island, there are whole other realms of existence.

For the past year, I’ve been living in the town of Northside, which is two hours from the city but subscribes to an alternate reality. Winter arrives earlier and tests your resourcefulness. The moon is more of a presence. Your regular waitress not only knows exactly what you’re going to order, she also knows how much money you have in the local bank, the status of your divorce negotiations, and your entire medical history, down to the name of the prescription cream you just called in to the pharmacy.

Yet there are also secrets that are easier to conceal here, buffered by trees and mountains and distance. The city may offer a kind of intimate anonymity, but the country permits other freedoms.

The freedom to run around naked in the woods, for example. Which I do about three days a month, when the moon is at its fullest. Having lycanthropy, like having children, forces you to reevaluate the advantages and disadvantages of apartment living. Of course, I’m not talking from personal experience here—I don’t have children.

But even though I accept that I’m better off in the country, it’s been a bit of an adjustment. Before I moved out here, trying to save my doomed marriage, I’d had a coveted slot as a veterinary intern at the Animal Medical Institute on the Upper East Side. And while the education I got there was top of the line, I’ve had to unlearn a fair chunk of it.

In the city, people don’t purchase pets, they adopt substitute children to carry around in big handbags, or rescue surrogate soul mates who will wait uncomplainingly at home all day, then greet each homecoming with frenzied affection. If Basil the basset hound gets cancer, nobody blinks an eyelash at spending thousands of dollars on medical care, physical therapy, a specially designed prosthesis.

Around here, it’s a different story.

Northside dogs are considered animals, and they spend much of their day outside and unattended, having adventures that their humans know nothing about. There are exceptions, of course, but in general, country people love their dogs, though they don’t regard them as quasi-humans covered in fur. Northsiders acknowledge the wolf that resides within the breast of every canine, no matter how outwardly domesticated. “It’s no kind of life for a dog” is the verdict for most serious illness.

Looking at the massive, gore-spattered rottweiler stinking up my examining room, I had to wonder who had it better: the beloved city pets who received constant attention and care, or their country counterparts, who had the freedom to follow their instincts and roll in decomposing deer entrails.

“I don’t see or feel any cuts or abrasions,” I told the dog’s owner, a lean woman with work-roughened hands, leathery skin, and brittle, teased black hair. Her name was Marlene Krauss and she ran a hair salon out of her home. I could feel her sizing up my long brown braid the way a lumberjack sizes up a redwood.

“In fact,” I said, double checking the pads of the rott- weiler’s large paws, “I don’t think this is her blood at all. Queenie’s probably just been frolicking in something dead.”

“Oh, I don’t care about that,” said Marlene. “She’s always getting into something.” When she moved, I caught a whiff of stale cigarette smoke and some drugstore version of Chanel No. 5. If I’d been completely human, the combination would have been strong enough to mask the usual vet’s office odors of cat urine, bleach, rubbing alcohol, and frightened dog. If I’d been completely wolf, I wouldn’t have made any olfactory value judgments. As it was, I was smack in the middle of my monthly cycle, which meant that the scent of Marlene was getting up my nose and on my nerves...

Looks like Marlene may have met her match!  It would certainly a being with supernatural powers to defeat her.   Click here to buy the book and help make it a bestseller!

Summer Infant Baby Monitor Malfunctions AGAIN; Blame it on the Blog

There’s no end to the trouble with Summer Infant baby monitors.  Remember when we reported that they were receiving messages from a NASA satellite?  Well now it seems that they’re broadcasting signals all around the neighborhood.  This mom was horrified to find that baby Alfie was starring in his own REALITY show on the neighbor’s TV courtesy of Summer Infant’s baby monitor.  

'I ran straight over and as soon as I walked in I saw Alfie on the TV screen. Erin said I turned as white as a ghost and looked like I was about to faint. … 'It was really scary to think that anyone could have been watching my baby.'  

Summer Infant’s response: 'We're limited to a certain number of frequency bands and they are becoming more clogged up ... simply because more people have got wireless internet and other wireless equipment.'   I guess it’s the blog’s fault once again.

Kudos to Chelsea Hotel minority shareholder Marlene Krauss and company for at least keeping the signals earth bound this time. -- Ed Hamilton (via Daily Mail)

Marlene Krauss Had a Bad Year; Blame it On the Blog

There’s been no end to Chelsea Hotel minority shareholder Marlene Krauss’ troubles lately.  Luckily she has a convenient scapegoat: the blog.  She managed to alienate one of the top hotel firms in the city, BD Hotels, and now she’s locked in arbitration that threatens to cost the hotel half a million dollars.  But don’t you know,  that’s the blog’s fault since we drew attention to Glennon Travis’ myspace page where he called himself a “St. Louis Beach Bum.”  Then, after scraping the bottom of the barrel to come up with somebody stupid enough to want to work for her, “Piccadilly” Andrew Tilley turned out to be totally incapable of managing the place, costing the hotel another half-million in salary and bonuses.  Oh, but of course he had to quit because the blog criticized his hairdo.  Now Krauss is stuck with the dimwitted duo of Tweedledum and Tweedledee “managing” the hotel, the first of whom (David Elder) had a tenant assaulted by goons paid off of the books, and the second of whom (Arnold Tamasar) evicted a 75-year-old man.  Apparently reading the blog so dazzled these dips that they became unaware of the most basic of laws. 

And then there’s the matter of the destruction in Bob Dylan’s room.  It was apparently the blog that falsified those permit applications and neglected to get a Certificate of No Harassment,  and probably even the blog that wrote the inconvenient law that made that work illegal.  Finally, when occupancy dipped into single digits at the hotel and then hovered at around 20% for months, it was the blog’s constant cheerleading for the hotel that caused people to not want to come here.

As for Marlene’s other business related problems, such as falling victim to Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi Scheme; being threatened with having her “Spac” company, KBL Healthcare III, de-listed by the New York Stock Exchange; and her “resignation” from the board of Summer Infant, she was probably just too preoccupied with reading the blog (it is certainly engrossing!) and working herself up into a state of constant rage over the fact that we pointed out that her father was Stanley’s plumber.

Hey Marlene, blogs don’t bankrupt hotels; people bankrupt hotels.

The Tax Strategy & Charitable Givings of Madoff Ponzi Scheme Victim Marlene Krauss

As the deadline for filing income taxes draws near, Marlene Krauss’ accountant is no doubt working overtime tallying up her many tax deductions.  For starters, some of the interest on her mortgage payments (in Sept. 2007, she acquired a mortgage of $4,207,500 on the penthouse with a 6.87% interest rate) is probably tax deductible.   (Being poor Bohemians, we don’t know how to calculate this.  Luckily for Marlene, her accountant probably does.)

First, the good news: Marlene donated $2,300 to Obama’s campaign. Hooray!  Let’s hear it for change!  But what’s that you say: campaign contributions are not deductible?  Sorry Marlene.  Well, maybe Michelle will invite you to lunch or something.

One of Marlene’s most interesting gifts was for an energy-efficient solar-powered home designed by students at Cornell University.   Krauss won the house at auction, paying $151,000 to Cornell. (It wasn’t really worth that much, you see, and the auction was just a fun way to donate money).  “I really wanted to show my thanks to Cornell for all that it has done for my family,” Krauss said.  What Cornell did, I suppose, was to educate Marlene (though they should have required an ethics class), and, more recently, to admit her daughter into their undergraduate program.

Marlene also says that she “hopes to donate the house to Cornell University.”  What we wonder is, if she deducts all or part of the $151,000 as a charitable donation, can she also deduct the price of the house when she gives it back?  Would that be double-dipping?  Once again, only her accountant knows for sure! 

Marlene’s most surprising charitable involvement is her work with Community Access, an organization which provides housing for people with mental handicaps.  (Gee, sounds like the Chelsea.)  We don’t know how much, if any, money they donated, but Krauss and her husband, Zach Berk both serve on the organization’s “Good Neighbor Gala” committee.  The Good Neighbor Gala will be held on Wednesday, May 20, at NYU and will celebrate the 35^th Anniversary of Community Access.  Maybe you can still get tickets.  If so, say hi to Marlene and Zack for us.

Given her involvement in Community Access, isn’t it a bit ironic that her running dog, David Elder, signed an affidavit stating that the reason he and Krauss fired hoteliers Richard Born and Ira Drukier was because they hadn’t evicted enough tenants from the Hotel? 

If Marlene is so interested in providing housing, why doesn’t she stop evicting people from the Chelsea Hotel. -- Ed Hamilton

The Noble Pedigree of Queen Marlene, MD, Pld., Harvard MBA, and All Things Great and Glorious That You Wish You Were But Will Never Be

Our sovereign ruler, Mistress Marlene Krauss, was born on January 17, 1941, in New York City. Consulting an old Farmer’s almanac, Legends has learned that, on that exact date, the Earth underwent a complete solar eclipse, the moon passing in front of the sun, blotting out its life-giving rays and enveloping our fair planet in a stygian darkness.  But of course that’s just a coincidence.

Marlene’s father, Julius Krauss, was born on March 16, 1898, in Hungary.  A plumber by trade, Julius presided over the destruction of the Chelsea Hotel ’s famous stained glass windows and plate glass mirrors, among other irreplaceable treasures.  He died in sunny Florida on September 18, 1978, his dream of completely demolishing the Chelsea left to his daughter to fulfill.

Marlene’s mother, Pearl Moldovan, was born on December 18, 1908 in  Hungary.  Feeling that Stanley Bard was getting a lot of undeserved attention, she urged her husband to take a greater role in the management of the Chelsea.  She died on May 5, 1983, also in Florida, her dream bequeathed to Marlene as well.

After Marlene’s birth, Julius and Pearl decided not to have any more children.

Pausing briefly from her busy schedule, Marlene married Zachary Berk on September 16, 1984.   Consulting our Farmer’s Almanac we discovered that there was a rain of frogs that day, always propitious.)

Marlene is Zachary’s second wife, good ol’ Zack having divorced his first wife, Suzanna Thomas (talk about having the last laugh!), in 1979.  Zachary was born on November 27, 1947, and—though Legends reported in error that the lovebirds met at his funeral -- Marlene hasn’t killed him yet. Marlene and Zachary have three children, and Zachary brought three of his own to the union.  So it must be kind of like the Brady Bunch around their house—only without the laughs.  (Photo: Zachary Berk via Google)

Dark Mistress Marlene also has a child from an extramarital affair with Cthulhu. As the spawn of this unholy union increases in power daily, Marlene’s control over him wanes, and he now threatens to devour her. -- Ed Hamilton
 

Harvard MBA Doctor Marlene Krauss May Want Your Used Car - The Question is: Why?

According to car4donation.com, Chelsea Hotel Minority Shareholder and Harvard MBA Doctor Marlene Krauss may want your used car in return for a nice tax deduction.  After all, it is that time of year.  It seems Marlene's charitable "arm", the Krauss Berk Foundation, is prominently listed there as a potentially interested donor for secondary autos, jalopies, tin lizzies, and other junkyard remnants.  The big question is: Why?

According to papers filed in 2007, the Krauss Berk Foundation had assets of $61,100 and states that their charitable mission is as a religious, educational, charitable, scientific or literary organization.   The attorneys who filed for this foundation, Spielman Koenigsberg & Parker LLP  (the same attorneys who filed for the assessment on her house in Westport, CT), make no mention of used cars in their mission statement on file.  (We'll have more on Marlene's charitable giving in the near future.) 

So, what does Marlene intend to do with your 1973 AMC Gremlin?  Your prized Pinto?  Is she - in keeping with the spirit of her regime here at the Chelsea - intending to sell these things for parts?  Certainly, old spare tires could help shore up BD's lumpy mattresses and a cheaper source of WD-40 to further Arnold Tamsar's paint greasing experiment on the central staircase cannot be found.  (NB:  Arnie, according to Wikipedia WD-40 is a massive dust attractor.) 

Or, is Marlene's secret intention to use all of the unleased commercial space now available on the rental market (some for more than two years) to open Manhattan's largest and finest secondary auto showroom or scrap metal salvage yard?  We're unsure.

We are also uncertain as to what auto parts manufacturer Inline Pro has to do with Marlene's grand plan but we intend to find out. 

Bohemians, if you have any thoughts or suggestions - or a used car you're trying get rid of - we welcome your comments.  --NKOTB

(Photo courtesy of Inline Pro and NASDAQ)

Rumors Persist: Is Elder Giving Marlene All of the Information?

Our readers responded enthusiastically yesterday to news that the Empire of Harvard MBA Doctor  Marlene Krauss may be on the rocks.  In particular, one comment mentioned:

"Marlene Krauss was at the Chelsea Hotel YESTERDAY. She was in the lobby with David Elder reviewing spreadsheets and other documents. From what I overheard she was unhappy that information was not being "reported up" in a timely fashion."
 
While Marlene's physical arrival at the Hotel came as a great shock to us (did anyone hear the trumpets?), this observer unintentionally corroborates something we've heard from multiple sources for a very long time:  the rumor that David Elder -- along with BD Hotels, Tilley and now Tamasar -- have been willfully withholding information about the daily operations and profitability of the Chelsea from Harvard MBA and President of the 23rd Street Corporation Doctor Marlene Krauss.  Could this indeed be true?
 
The rumors say specifically that Elder and his incompetent managerial Band of Brothers past and present hate dealing with Her Majesty Marlene Krauss so much that when asked by their staff if they should pass on said information to Marlene -- or copy her on emails -- that they are told, "No, Marlene doesn't need to know about that.  We can handle it without her."
 
And, while other sources in the financial community opine that dealing with The Plumber's Daughter is "like surgery without anesthesia" (to quote one), it gives us great pause to think that Marlene's latest discovery, budding hotelier David Elder is more business savvy than the killer Krauss.
 
Apparently, the voices say, that David Elder is quite pleased that Marlene will not be bringing in another manager as he enjoys playing with his large staff as King of the Castle.  Indeed, rumors say that Elder himself was happy with BD's ouster as well as Tilley's dubious "resignation" as he reportedly felt that they got "too much attention".  (An affidavit of Glennon "Gigi" Travis confirms this as well).
 
We've lastly heard that David Elder and Arnold Tamasar are having a lovely honeymoon presently as Elder simply "can't get enough" of Tamasar's treacly ass-kissing and that they have mutually agreed that Elder can be the top.  ("If he'll wash, Arnie will wipe"). 
 
If we were Marlene, we would intervene and look at the books ourselves.  And quickly.  Is there a forensic accountant in the house?  -- New Kid on the Blog

Can Things Get Much Worse for Chelsea Hotel Minority Shareholder Marlene Krauss?

She had two accounts with Bernie Madoff. Scott Griffin has inked a deal to write her biography.  And the Chelsea Hotel Cash Cow is now producing at the rate of $89.00 per night with a reported 30% occupancy.   (Stanley used to get a top price of $700 a night at 100% occupancy).  Well, it turns out YES IT CAN get worse -- much worse:  the SEC (Securities Exchange Commission) has sent Marlene word that KBL Healthcare III, her venture capital SPAC company, is in danger of being delisted as a  tradeable commodity (i.e. booted from the Exchange).  Turns out Harvard MBA Doctor Marlene Krauss hasn't held a KBL shareholders meeting in a year.  Why not?  She certainly hasn't been too busy at Summer Infant following her prompt resignation at their plunging stock price and Lord knows she's been totally absent here at the Chelsea Hotel, thus giving her plenty of leisure time to pay attention to the troubles of KBL (more later).  Although here, she has managed to burn through three or four security firms, two managers, and more law firms than I can shake a stick at.  Then there's that little matter of all of those tenants who have lawsuits against the Hotel - don't bother Marlene with details!  Guess it's no surprise Harvard MBA Doctor Marlene Krauss forgot to hold that KBL shareholder meeting -- after all, when was the last time she had a shareholder's meeting here? (Photo:  Google)